Cry your heart out

 ...if that is what your heart tells you.

I am coming back in here after almost 2 weeks of silence. I was on holiday, walking down memory lane in my childhood town, house with my family of origin. And what a blessing it was.

Relaxing, chill, peaceful, playful and carefree. That's what I naively thought it would be, although deep down I knew that won't be the case. 

It was anything but the above. And as uncomfortable and painful it might have looked like in this society's convention (discussions, conflicts, being out of my routine, lack of privacy, tears and then even more tears) I knew even in the moment and more so now, post holiday, how much I needed ALL of that. All those experiences and situations. All those discussions. All those memories and feelings to be resurfaced. And FINALLY to be seen, acknowledged and lived in all their intensity. As a step towards their acknowledgment and acceptance.

Peace can't come unless emotions and feelings are fully lived with all their manifestations and then integrated. I cried pretty much every day and then I cried so more. I cried for all the times I did not allow myself to cry (beliefs like "big girls don't cry", "it's not ok to share your emotions", "those who cry are weak", "you are ugly when you cry", "it's not cool to cry" etc were on the driver seat in the past).

I cried alone. With family. With friends. And neighbours. Under the blanket. While running. While discussing. While having a tasty coffee. I cried so much and it felt SO liberating. So natural. So human. So good and most importantly absolutely necessary. My body has stored so many tears that finally were allowed to come flooding in the light of day or night. And for that I am eternally grateful to everything and everyone who knowingly or unknowingly were there for me.

Growing up as a child with all those programs and beliefs about the act of crying in a family set-up where expressing your feelings was considered a weakness, I do encourage everyone from small to big to let it all out. To express and live their emotions as they come and go, like everything in this life. Don't swallow your tears just because it's considered not appropriate, accepted, polite, frowned upon or because other people can't sit with your crying or feel uncomfortable. 

With love from,

An ex-professional tears swallower.

Photo by Mayank Dhanawade on Unsplash.